By Lindsay Burrill / Boston
Premieres
VH1 premiered three news shows this week, all with the promise of being absolutely ridiculous. I don’t know where they find these people, but it makes for some very interesting television.
WEDDING WARS, VH1, Mondays
It was the premier of Wedding Wars, a reality show where twelve couples battle it out to win their dream wedding. They will be staying at the Turtle Bay Resort in Hawaii, and the winner will receive a one hundred thousand wedding there with a 25 thousand dollar nest egg for after. By any standard math equation, this is an obvious recipe for juicy drama. The kicker to the whole show, is that instead of living in the luxurious resort, the couples are living in in the jungle in air huts (they weren’t aware of this in the beginning). So now you have wedding crazed women, slowly contracting jungle fever (and not in the sexual way). On the first episode, the couples competed for bridal gowns and tuxes in a gift challenge, and then there was the “cake topper” security challenge. The couple that wins the challenge is safe from elimination for the week. To heighten the drama to the highest point possible, the couples are the ones who determine who to vote off at the end of each episode. Within the first ten minutes, one of the contestants already needed medical attention, after injuring her toe when it was stepped on by another contestant’s heel. So is it worth watching? For brain power… no, but for entertainment purposes, and to feel better about your life, I say go for it. The first couple to go was Johnny and Celestria. I’m voting for the Machester, NH couple to make it all the way…Live Free or Die son.
BEVERLY HILLS FABULOUS, VH1, Mondays
Ahhh just what was missing from the weekly TV lineup, a show about hair styling. Beverly Hills Fabulous follows the staff of Elgin Hair Salon in…you guessed it, Beverly Hills. Like every show, there is a rabble rouser named Sean, who shows up late to the first meeting, and then fights Elgin’s idea to hire an assistant for organizational purposes. The show goes on with some pretty boring drama, but ladies, at least you can pick up some styling tips. This week’s were for girls who bleach or color their hair. You can use protein packs, and sit under a dryer for fifteen minutes to help. How do you get a dryer into your home? That’s your problem. Also, you are what you eat, so fill up up on green, leafy vegetables to get iron, silica, and calcium. It’s better for your hair.
LOVE AND HIP HOP, VH1, Mondays
Man, I thought I was cool for watching Love and Basketball. This is taking it to the next level. It’s a show featuring several different women in the hip hop game, some more relevant than others. The cast for the docu-series includes, Mashonda, the ex-wife of Swizz Beatz; Chrissy Lampkin, girlfriend of Jim Jones; Emily Bustamante, girlfriend and baby mama of Fabolous; former first lady of G-unit, Olivia, and hopeful newcomer Somaya “Boss” Reece. In the first episode we see Somaya hit New York to start her hip hop career. Jim Jones agrees to collaborate with her (No way. We kind of wouldn’t have a series without it.) Emily is about about Fabolous potentially being unfaithful. Plus Chrissy and Somaya have a bathroom clash session. I was intimidated and I wasn’t even there. That shows how tough I am.
New Episodes
CHUCK- NBC, Mondays
Chuck and Sarah haven’t been being assigned any missions for a while and they are super bitter about it. So the next logical step would probably be to tag along in someone else’s mission right? The two decide to follow Casey, who is meeting with an international arms dealer. It turns out there are two new members to the team. It’s a decent return for Chuck, and worth the watch.
MAD LOVE-CBS, Mondays
There was a new episode this week of the show Mad Love, and I have to say, Jason Biggs is downright adorable. In this week’s episode, Biggs’s character Ben, is trying to get in with Connie. The two despise each other, but Connie is friends with Ben’s girlfriend Kate. Insert typical sitcom shenanigans and thus we have Ben trying to help Connie with her nanny job. In the end though of course, Connie admits she likes him the most out of any of Kate’s exes (Is that really much of a compliment though…I mean they are all exes. Basically you’re calling someone king of the trash heap.) Also in the episode, we discover a new verb: to MUNSCH. It is the action of ignoring/avoiding a girl until she breaks up with you. Is that the way to go? I prefer breakups via drunken voicemails.
Finales
THE BACHELOR- ABC, Mondays
It was the season finale of the Bachelor. Brad Womack couldn’t find true love the first time around, so obviously his soul mate must have been waiting for him on the second season. The final rose was given to_insert name here_. I mean really…does it matter who he picked? It won’t last more than a few months because Brad signed himself into a 5-year bachelor contract. I’m kidding, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some sort of odd contractual obligation with him and the show. So anyways, Brad chose Emily. Chantal, the only other contestant left was crying in the limo. In fact there was a lot of crying on the show. Brad cried when he went home to his family. Brad’s family cried when Emily told the story about her dead fiance (that’s always a strong mood setter), and then I cried during the “After the Final Rose,” segment because Emily and Brad had already broken it off. i was so devastated…I just could believe it didn’t last. Ahh if only sarcasm translated as well on paper. According to the latest news from the semi-star’s reps, the two are trying to work things off, but the wedding is postponed for now. One of the main reasons Emily is so upset is due to how Brad interacted with the other girls during the season. I don’t know what kind of drugs this girl was on that would make her so oblivious to the situation she was in…but i think I want to try them.
And tonight…
ABC, Monday: Dancing with the Stars premieres tonight!
BET, Monday: Rip the Runway, special
Chocolate Covered Classics 
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